i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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