he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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