did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
