No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
