Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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