Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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