i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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