why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
