His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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