You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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