how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's get the cat blown out
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
