Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
