i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
