were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
