This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't want my vagina anymore.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
