it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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