You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
