They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
