We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
