Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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