i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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