I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
