I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
