ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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