bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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