Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
