hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
