just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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