I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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