And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
