The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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