I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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