with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
