did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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