Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
