You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
