from now on my penis is your penis
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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