if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
