Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
