Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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