Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just invented taco cereal.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
