I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
