Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
