He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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