I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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