so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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