Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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