theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
