So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
