He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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