I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
