you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
