i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
