dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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