Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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