so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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