I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
