i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
